It's about Husband. He is usually a truly wonderful, kind, and generous guy, except when he is not. Behold the note he presented to me at breakfast a few weeks ago following what he termed "A Rampage of Badness" on my part:
Allow me to explain. He often starts complaints by saying "Someone [did something, did not do something, etc.]," and someone is almost always me. This list documents the fact that on this occasion I
1. Left the bathroom door open when I went to bed, so the heat from the electric radiator, which is on a timer, escaped, leaving the bathroom cold in the morning. We heat our house with a woodstove, so cold is a big issue around here.
2. Loaded wood into said woodstove from the top instead of from the front door and placed wood too close to the front of the stove, so that when he opened the front door, hot embers fell out.
3. Did something wrong concerning batteries for the digital camera. I can't even remember what my offense was here, but whatever it was, I'm sure I did it.
4. Came in late from my book group and woke him up. The underlying issue is that he was cross I was out so late.
OK, very funny, right? Except for the fact that he was not at all kidding. These were serious offenses he wanted to discuss with me, an "I'm sorry, I'll try not to do that again" being insufficient.
But here's the kicker: When I objected to this discussion (read: his rant), he replied, "But if I can't point these things out to you, how can you improve?" IMPROVE??? He wants me to improve. As if I am not the most kick-ass wife he could ever hope for. Seriously. This man does no grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, or carpool driving. He is served a home cooked meal (with enough for his lunch leftovers) made from organic! fresh! locally grown! ingredients almost every godamned night. With freshly ironed cloth napkins! And dirty clothes mysteriously disappear and reappear clean in his closet and drawers. Parties, entertaining, holidays? That's me too. All I require is that he show up. And is he impressed with or supportive of the fact that I work my butt off as the president of my daughter's school's P.T.A.-like organization? He is not. He would rather I remain at home perfecting my homemaking skills with military precision. Well, I have news for him. THIS IS AS GOOD IT'S GOING TO GET. In fact, over the years it may well become worse. I would love to improve, but I am too damned tired and too damned old. And I have other things to do.
Even thought this happened a couple of weeks ago, the subject arose again because the other night as I lie in bed in excruciating pain following my accident, he lit into me for violating (again! for the second time!) item #2. What do you think? I think he needs to improve. RIGHT NOW.
12 comments:
Would so lose my temper at this point. Have you made a list for him?
I'd be mad, too! I hope writing about it helped you blow off some steam...
Seriously, I'm so impressed at your culinary skills; Sam is lucky if he gets a home-cooked meal twice a weak. I don't think your husband knows how good he has it!
Okay, confession time, I'm a lot like your hubby who criticizes more than compliments. I think you should write him a list of how you feel when he writes your a list. See if he responds better than "you need to improve". BTW, you iron your dinner napkin?! WOW!
sorry i brought the list of self-improvement up. you rock. i'd marry you. i could put out a meal every night, but alas, i refuse, because i drive carpool, am the Vice Pres of my kids pta-like dadada, AND the treasurer, work part-time, and don't iron, because curiously, along with becoming a parent i've developed an affinity for wrinkles in fabric. he is sooooo busted for hassling you after a dump on the scooter. who bought that blasted thing for you anyway?
Oh man, Cindy, I have SO been here. D.'s big thing is to heave those dramatic exasperated sighs in my direction whenever I do something wrong. But heaven forbid I point out one little thing that he's done lest I risk sending him into the throws of a conniption fit over just whose offences are more egregious. Argh.
Know what? You ARE the most kick-ass wife ever. And we all recognize that. :)
I'm not so sure he's really angry about those things. We've all been there before either as passive aggressors or their victim (you being victim today). What's really bugging him? This is the hard part for all of us, to discuss the real issue -- you know, the one that makes us disguise our hurt and anger with notes such as he left. ps: I was thinking more about your karmic hit and even tho I think it was karmic, I still commend you for having your husband's Mom over for dinner every Sunday night. What a kind, warm-hearted, generous, selfless thing to do!
Ha. Hahaha - oh my god, I really think my husband would love to write me one of those notes and I would love to write one for him!
But SERIOUSLY? We work, cook dinner every night, clean, do the laundry - what are these guys complaining about?
Take the spell of the magic underwear drawer and they come crawling with apologies.
Always works at my house anyway.
There is no doubt you are a kick-ass wife. WAY better than me. AND, you didn't shove that note up his nose like I would have done. No, seriously, I would have. You're also taking wonderful care of your beautiful girl. The MIL comes over a lot AND you cook for her.That right there qualifies you for sainthood. You sound pretty near perfect to me! Tell him to get up and shut the damn door himself. AND, tell him if you're out "too" late, he should be waiting up for you to make sure you're alright, not in the bed sulking. Well, I'm a hot head, and those words would probably not be a solution, but it sounds like he needs a kick in the ass from one kick-ass wife and mother. You go girl...
If my husband presented me with a list like this he would be sleeping in the garage and eating whatever he could scare up at the gas station down the street. I'm a little PMSy today, but seriously, that's ridiculous! It's one thing to be honest about what you would like your partner to do differently - it's another to send her a memo & treat her like a subordinate!
Thanks for letting me vent and for all the support. You all really picked up my spirits!!
xxoo
wow. a list.
i have to admit, i admire the list as a tool. but not to make you into one.
i could go on and on but then it would turn into my own rant, and girl, i won't take that away from you.
and i never understood the concept of making your blog ONLY YOUR HAPPY PLACE...WtVr.
offer to get you some drunk still stands. we can start by licking the pinot noir off my laptop and move on up to lemon drops.
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