Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Guess what I'm doing on Friday?

It would be an understatement to say I'm a little stressed out. I am truly about to lose my ever-loving mind. The weather has warmed up and my magnolia tree is in full bloom, which brings to my attention several horrific observations:
  • Ski season is almost over. Boo!!
  • I need to schedule every goddamned week of my summer in signing up Sophie for all her summer camps.
  • Taxes are upon us (I have done nothing about this).
  • Our school auction—which, against my better judgment, I am chairing for the THIRD (f word deleted from here) time in a row—is a month away. 
And I'm busy at work. There you have it: a mental health perfect storm. 

Thank goodness my excellent girlfriends have planned a girls' night out. Here is a top-10 list of reasons anyone would participate in the activity we have planned, thoughtfully forwarded by our genius organizer:
10. Nothing sounds better than a strike.

9. Do you really want to drop $30.00 for tickets, another $30.00 for snacks, and still take the chance that you family won't like the movie?

8. Raining . . . no problem! Snowing . . . no problem! Heat wave . . . no problem!

7. Where else can you get socks from a vending machine?

6. Parties! (Have you ever tried throwing a 5-year-old's party at home??)

5. Snack bar nachos.

4. Aren't you a little old to hang out at the mall?

3. Play, eat, drink . . . play, eat, drink. What other sport lets you do that?

2. Where else can Dorothy's Flower Shop beat big Earl's Auto Supply? 

1. IT'S THE SHOES, BABY!!

And indeed, it is. I will happily don those groovy little shoes, although I will most certainly bring my own socks and will pass on the nachos.

But this lists omits one of the best reasons, according to my grad. school roommate, who we'll just call Minnesota Sue. In the southern California beach town where I grew up, bowling is largely limited to children's parties and fraternity gatherings involving very large amounts of alcohol. Not that there is anything wrong with bowling, but for most adults it is generally just not done. Minnesota Sue was astonished at this, as was I that she had bowled in a league and knew people who owned their own bowling balls. But her answer to why people in Minnesota bowled made perfect sense:  You can't golf in the winter.

So why is a group of women who live in a temperate climate and do not golf anyway going bowling? Because we can. And besides, bowling is funny. There are few things that put in seizures of laughter more than televised professional bowling. Really: It's better than those cable shopping shows where people try to outdo each other on how many words you can possibly say about one shitty piece of jewelry. 

Professional bowlers are so SERIOUS. 

And they have such STYLE.

And did you know they even have their own language? My girlfriend J. will have to look here to understand what I'm saying when I ask her "Are you sandbagging with that sour apple, you kegler? Watch this Greek church that I'm going to nail with a Brooklyn! God, can't we just forget this all and have a few brewskies in the pit?"

4 comments:

lisagh said...

We used to go bowling all the time when I was a teen. Best trick? My friend Daniel would straddle the thing where the balls come out and cluck like a chicken. When the ball finally came... BRAAAAAACK! It was hilarious. Illegal herbal supplements may or may not have been involved.

Purple Flowers said...

I went bowling alot as a kid. It was THE Sunday afternoon thing to do during the winter months. Then in my early-mid twenties, my friends and I use to go rock'n roll bowling on Saturday nights, after all the little kiddies left the bowling alley. It would start about 10:00pm. They dimmed the lights, played some good music and the party began. We drank cold beer and had alot of laughs.

Laura [What I Like] said...

Bowling is a hoot...I would just caution you to stick with beer. Last time I went I hit the bourbon and it was just a disastrous scene.

Angelina said...

The last time I went bowling was at Rock-n-Bowl in SF as "one of the guys" with a group of guy friends. We drank rolling rock and I still don't understand how I stomached it. I hate rolling rock.

Anyway- it was lots of fun. I love the shoes.