Friday, September 12, 2008

To run or not to run

Around my office there has been much discussion of McCain's recent selection of a vice presidential candidate. Palin's stand on the issues has really got us in a panic, so in the name of mental health, we've tried to focus occasionally on other aspects of the situation:

"I am the president of a PTA," I sniff. "And I have better glasses." They reply "Shit, Cindy. You would make a much better vice presidential candidate!"

But before I say sign me up, I think we should discuss this. I often find the two-column pro/con approach useful for considering such weighty issues. So here we go.

Would I Make a Good Vice Presidential Candidate?

Cons. My record could be sort of a problem here.
1. When I was a teenager, I did buckets of drugs. Really, just buckets. These things tend to get brought up in campaigns and rarely in a flattering light (e.g., "She really cleaned up nicely, didn't she?" or "Wow. She must have really started out with a lot of brain cells.").

2. I have knowingly hired illegal migrant workers. The fact that I paid them a decent wage (albeit under the table) and drove down the hill to pick them up burritos for lunch probably doesn't mitigate this.

3. I am an atheist. And while you would think that separation of church and state would render the fact that I have no church inconsequential, there seem to be a lot of people who think that being godless means lacking a moral compass, a sense of justice, and sense of greater humanity.

4. I have called in to work sick and then gone skiing. More than once. 
Pros. Alright! Here's my excellent platform. If you're not happy with Sarah Palin, you'll like me!
1. I will not support shooting wildlife from airplanes. There's just got to be better ways to spend one's time. And I'm not much on hunting, but isn't it more or less of a sport these days? Somehow chasing an animal to the point of exhaustion using aircraft and then blowing its brains out as it collapses just doesn't seem very sportsmanlike. I mean, for christsake, get down there on the ground with them and at least pursue them under your own power.

2. I will support reproductive rights. I just love how conservatives advocate for small government except when it comes to this issue. Maybe it's a fiscal thing: Social and environmental programs cost money. Maybe they figure that money they save on sex education and access to contraception is money that can be better spent on—oh, say—the military. Yes, that's it! But wait, that doesn't make sense. A pregnancy for many teenagers means the end of their education and increased dependence on social programs. But, wait! We can cut those! Money saved and god happier! But I think that's all bullshit. As I said, I will support reproductive rights. Even for Bristol Palin.

3. I will support gay rights, including gay marriage, equal access to benefits, and all the other things the rest of us have. I'm just not that interested in who you want to fuck. Unlike Sarah Palin's church, which is obsessed with it to the point of developing a program to "pray away the gay." Why would anyone want to pray away or mess with in any way the part of a person that determines who they love?

4. I will support public libraries. I will not seek to ban books. Haven't we had enough trouble with an administration that thinks people do not need information?

5. There are no voices (god or other) in my head telling me to kill people. You would think this is a given among people running for public office or even roaming the streets at will. And yeah, I know she is trying to claim she was invoking Abraham Lincoln, but I think that's bullshit. I think she really believes what she said, and it's reprehensible that she can't own it because it's not politically expedient. At any rate what Lincoln said was this: "[M]y concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God’s side, for God is always right." Which is not the same thing as what she said.
So, I dunno. What do you think? Maybe I'm not ready. Oh, wait. No one nominated me. OK, I'll go back to posting recipes.


J said...

You have my vote! Is there a write-in for VP on the ballot? I seriously would do it!

Cindy said...

j: Thank you! And in addition to your vote could I also have an invitation to read your blog?? I missed out when you went private.

Maria said...

Another vote here!

Broady said...

I don't know, although I'm a fiscal conservative, I think you could slide this one over to the "pro" column:

"I think I have called in to work sick and then gone skiing. More than once."

That reflects my values : )

KSK said...

Appreciate your full disclosure - I certainly plan on writing you in when I vote for mccain - hahahahahahaha. (That actually physically hurt to type as I will never in hell-freezes-solid days vote for the little man.)

Now that you don't do buckets of drugs anymore, what is your vice? ;)

Midge said...

Sign me up as a vote for Cindy! I like your platform!

The Food Librarian said...

You have my vote! Especially the supporting libraries platform!

(I think you would get a few more votes if you created a few more national holidays - like 'go skiing holiday')

Kate said...

Got my vote! Get Biden out of ther & you run w/ Obama!!

purpleflowers said...

You've got my vote!

lisagh said...

All I know is, if you and I had met each other during our respective 'drug years', we could have had ourselves a shitload of fun!

NJDecorator said...

I have done lots of drugs as well in my younger years and I think (with my remaining brain cells) that you would be a great vp. And I would trust you much more to be honest with me.

preppy little dress said...

too funny, thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Palin who? You've got my vote!

Libby said...

Forget the VP spot on the ticket, I'm thinking bigger- like CINDY 2012!

Mary Coleman said...

The great state of Tennessee would like to cast its vote for CINDY in 2012!

Anne-Toireasa said...

You mention that no one nominated you - but that's only because you didn't spend two measly meetings with McCain. Palin was a well vetted choice, clearly, and I'm SURE that had you done buckets MORE drugs and killed ALL of your brain cells you'd buy in to his web of media garbage and lies and have a better shot at the VP slot. I'd put in a "haha" but the situation is a bit grave for that. meep!

anyway, keep rockin' the free world :).

Angelina said...

I'm waving the "Vote for Cindy" flag and cannot believe you haven't already been nominated! You are totally ready!!!!

Shit, people kill animals from helicopters? That's so weird and lazy. and gutless.

Stupid Palin. What the hell is going to happen to us all if these idiots get elected?

Oh no, don't think about it. Just get pens ready to vote. What more can we do?

Brianne said...

I'd vote for you Cindy!

KatieGirlBlue said...

I'll start campaigning for you right now! By which I mean I'll ditch work and go climbing. And do buckets of drugs.

Oh wait, I gave those up when I hit thirty. Nonetheless, I'm for Figs in the White House, if only because I can't imagine you wearing one of those stupid red suits. Have you seen Eve Ensler's comment on Palin? I'll post it on my blog later today; it's really well done.

Jen Yu said...

I think the true winning campaign issue is "All slow drivers should drive in the right lane and get the f$%^k out of my way!"

You got my vote, baby.

More, More, More said...

I'd vote for you! I wonder who they would get to play you on SNL?