Monday, February 28, 2011

I comment on fashion:
An apparently annual event

I'm afraid it's that time of year again. You know, where I sit in my office in bike shorts and a sweatshirt and comment on people who mostly know how to dress. Or can at least hire people to figure it out for them. Or not.

So here goes this year's Academy Awards fashion round up but the person probably least qualified to offer it.

It's sort of like Battenburg lace, which I was totally into in the eighties, over gold foil. I keep squinting, but I cannot be sure. It really reminds me of this terrible linoleum in my laundry room.

No. It's wrong in all the wrong places.

The jewelry is a mistake.

The bottom of this dress makes me want to sneeze.

He so does not do it for me, and her dress is weird.

He totally does do it for me.
Didn't she used to date Tom Cruise once? Nice upgrade here.

OK, so she has no waist, but she does have Warren Beatty.
Who needs a waist anyway?

So it's great that she lost that weight and all, but those boobs are all wrong.

Her first name is Busy. Really. Why didn't I think of that?

Think she smokes? Cause according to Wikipedia, she's only 49. Ouch.

OK, but how does she walk?

Who is this person? I mean, seriously.

Could she possibly look more bored? "Yeah, it's got a lot of, like, fabric." She should have stayed home.

Three things here:
1. Sharon is wearing waaaayyyyy too much eyeliner.
2. Never fail: Every year someone shows up in my 86-year-old MIL's hair.
3. I don't think she has made a movie in several decades.
Why does she keep getting to come to these things?

Who needs jewelry when you can look like this?
Kind of reminds me the Farrah Fawcett bathing suit poster,
which she is probably too young to even know about.

I know everyone liked Halle Berry's dress,
but I think Helen Mirren killed it in this.

Sooooo, who did you like? Hate? Laugh at?

Stay tuned for a tour of my freshly painted kitchen, which will feature a . . .

NEW STOVE!!!!!!!


Stitch1Peta said...

totally agree. Whoever came up with the dresses cut nearly to the waist in front is laughing their head off, they never look good. But it does give them a chance to show off their fake boobs.

I Love Your Whole Face said...

Bwah ha ha your comments are hilarious!

adozeneggs said...

Agree on all counts.
The girl you don't know is Mandy Moore. She's a singer actress model, blah, blah blah. Made famous in kids tv shows. I think. not sure.
Loved Helen Mirren.
But you probably really knew that was Mandy Moore, right??

KatieGirlBlue said...

We agree on EVERYTHING (we're so smart) except that I LOVE Mandy Moore and adored her look at the show. Check out her movie "Because I Said So" for excellent wit, cast (Lorelai Gilmore AND Diane Keaton!) and many scenes of cake.

And speaking of cake, pretty nice stove you've got there, fancypants!

Cid said...

Loved it. You were bang on and do we really care who the bored chick was?

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh! You should write fashion reviews more often.

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